


Love’s Dual Edge

by VerdantMoth



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-08-23 14:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16620596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VerdantMoth/pseuds/VerdantMoth
Summary: When he loves you, he is bruises and claws; turbulent waters and raging fires. But you’ve always preferred the song of a sword to the swing of a song.She loves you with fingers that soothe you neck and mend your swords and wipe tears from the eyes of childrenShe loves you with a voice like a brook and eyes deep as the earth and a heart that carries too much.





	Love’s Dual Edge

You love them, love them both. Love them so much you ache with it. And they love you, fiercely and terribly and gently.

But they do not love each other.

You’re going to lose them, one of them, maybe both of them. You’re lying to yourself.

You love her. She is kind, and gentle; fair and soft. When she loves you it is petals against your skin and spring breezes through your hair. She loves you through meetings and in a bed that is still too big for two.

She loves you with fingers that soothe your neck and mend your swords and wipe tears from the eyes of children

She loves you with a voice like a brook and eyes deep as the earth and a heart that carries too much.

You think you’ll lose her first.

She doesn’t share you well. She knows he loves you and you love him, and she tries to be kind, but she wants all of you and you cannot blame her.

Even when you do not have all of her. She smiles at you, and she is seeing her knight. Her cries under your weight are as pleasured as they are sad, and sometimes when she taste your skin she is tasting him.

And you might be a king and a knight but you are not good and you are not noble. Because even though you cannot devote all of your love to her, you are bitterly jealous of the love she gives her knight.

Sometimes, you wonder if that is why you love him. You know it isn’t, know that isn’t fair, but you think it in the dark when she snores softly and you’re skipping out of the covers and crossing cold stones to his bed.

He fits  _ around  _ you, more than beside you. He would die for you. Would you die for him? You think you would, think you’ve put your life on the line more than once for him. 

He too isn’t; is not noble or good. And you think sometimes that is why you’re drawn to him. Because he sees the grey in you, the murk, and he loves it. But he shares you so wonderfully you feel as though this can last  this can work. He takes what you give and never begs for more.

He isn’t soft, as she is. He lacks compassion sometimes, is too firm in his views of right. Of wrong.

You would die for her because it is the thing to do. You would die for him because to live without him is not to love at all.

Sometimes you regret that you ever faulted her for an affair with her knight. Because if she had chosen, you wouldn’t have to.

Sometimes you resent his fealty, his existence, because you never knew love could hurt so sweet.

You’re breaking them both, with your back and forth. Skipping from one bed to the another, feasting out of one hand and drinking from the other.

You’ll keep doing it though, until she leaves you. And she will. You’ll drive her away with your dishonor.

Why you can’t drive  _ him  _ away you aren’t sure, but you know. In the end, when the noble knight claims her, you’ll let her go. This time. When you’re wiser and older and you understand more.

Love isn't always right or enough. Loving someone doesn’t entitle you to them. You wish it did, you believed it did, and you thought everyone could win.  

No one really wins in a war though, not with wounds and scars on everyone.

When he loves you, he is bruises and claws; turbulent waters and raging fires. But you’ve always preferred the swing of a sword to the sway of a song.

He sings you to sleep like a mountain’s rumble and he needs you like air.

You love them both. You’ve had them both. You will lose her and gain him and if that makes you wrong, you have learned to live with it.

He loves you with the power in his bones and the breath beneath his skin and he loves you with eyes that are too blue and too old.

You love her, you love her, you love her, but never enough.  

And you will never be sorry enough for it. 

 


End file.
